Awkward

Happy December! It's been a long time since I have posted about my adventures in Nantes. I hope this one gives you some perspective and makes you feel a little uncomfortable...

Awkward. It's a word that we use in uncomfortable situations. At times I feel my life is surrounded by the awkward. For me, avoiding the awkwardness is almost impossible. Recently I have been trying to embrace the awkward. My friend Holly has a hand gesture to communicate that a situation is awkward. She is like me and finds herself in awkward moments all the time.

One day while I was walking to a restaurant, I held up my hand in the air for no reason. When we passed a bar while walking and this man waved at me. So I thought that I should wave back. The awkwardness came when we had to pass by the same place again only minutes later. I hoped he wouldn't come out.

More awkward moments:

-Strange frenchman hitting on me in bars, on the street or in other public areas..

-People staring when I speak english with my friends

-Giving the bises (kiss for greeting) but accidentally nose rubbing

-Inappropriate sex talk

-The french critiquing americans

-Little boys peeing in public without warning

-Men peeing in public like little boys

-Not knowing someone's name when they just said yours

-Brutal honesty: the bitter, honest truth (no one really wants to know)

-Fanny packs

-People noticing me sing out of tune

-Sweat pants

30 years of life

Yesterday, I celebrated my 30^th birthday. Most americans feel like the big 3-0 is daunting and bittersweet. The day of my birthday was neither. In fact, I had absolutely no expectations. I woke up as usual to have breakfast with Ji, then we read some bible verses, sung and prayed. I planned to have a normal day and do the activities I enjoy. I went to the market and had lunch with my friend Ophelie in a nice quite park across the street from her workplace. I did some work and then went to pick up Ayoub from school. He is one of my favorite men in my life right now. We learn english together and play. Did I mention he is 6 years old? After I left his home, I went across town to my favorite pizzeria to pick up dinner. I planned to dine with a few friends and eat some cake. It took an hour to get there and back home. I have no doubt that it was worth every minute. When I arrived home I found Holly and Ji with smiling faces. I was so excited. I hopped around while we prepared to eat. Ji made the salad and served the pizza. We ate, talked and laughed. A little while later Joseph came and then Anne. It was so lovely to be with friends.

Being in Nantes for my birthday was all I could ask for. All I wanted was to speak french and have good friends. My contentment was confirmed by the smiling faces and joy in the air. I could not have asked for a better birthday. The great news is there is more to come. This is not the end. I have arrived at another decade in my life and I cannot be more excited. I know that God has great plans for me. I may not know them completely but I know that I am on the right path. I have nothing but praises for this life that I honestly do not deserve. It's humbling to know. I have a peace in my heart that is unexplainable and for that reason I know it's not from me but from God. I have more than I could have ever wanted or asked for. I am truly amazed and impressed.

Le mot pour l'année: impressionné

Waiting

Waiting.

Have you ever felt like you were waiting for the unknown? The wait is so excruciatingly painful because you have no idea what could happen. You are in a line of one, no one is front or behind. You can hope and pray that the wait will be over soon because waiting is the worse part.

That describes my life right now. I am waiting for a sign of relief, of hope. What am I waiting for? For the french government to tell me whether or not I can stay in their country. It's the end and the beginning for me. The end of my student visa and the beginning of whatever else will come. Thinking of where I will be this coming year scares me. I have so few options because I have my heart set on staying in France. I want to help people here by creating a place where they can obtain information for learning english as well as connecting with the arts. My vision is to inform people and not force them to pay or struggle to gain knownlegde. I want to share my experiences of becoming culturally sensitive while finding my own cultural identity.

Everything I have learned up until this moment has been for a reason. I am writing a book of my experiences living among other cultures and finding my passion. I have been so inspired this last year with these projects. No matter what happens I know there is a great plan for me. I have faith that God will put all the pieces together.

For now I wait. I wait with hope and joy. Everything is for a reason and I know that God doesn't disappoint.

Small successes

It's always good to count every success in life no matter how small. My latest was simply mastering the chopsticks and not while eating (I got that down). They have mastered my hair (a.k.a. "the beast"). If you are looking at the photos and asking yourself: Are those chopsticks really holding Nia's hair? The answer is yes! They are still in my hair while writing this post. Miraculously they are still together. I can only imagine them breaking apart because "the beast" has an incredible strength, don't ask me where it came from. Honestly, I really don't work out that much. I have always wanted to wear chopsticks in my hair. So this has nothing to do with France, but it happened in France. I don't want any disappointed readers so here is a side note... >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I am going to Vendee on Friday with a friend who is from there. I didn't know it was a region, I thought it was a city, which means I don't know exactly where I am going. A bunch of us will celebrate her 30th birthday with un grand fête. Le thême est autour le monde. I find this very ironic, therefore I look forward to participating.

Another success that I almost forgot to mention. This is for the spiritually minded but all can appreciate this. I prayed out loud twice during church. Normally everyone has the opportunity and I had the faith to prayer a scripture and say a few words. This scared me and made me shake, but it was so exhilarating to do because I know God helped me say the words. I know I have an accent but the success is being understood. A pat on the back for me. Trying new things is so exciting no matter where you are, especially doing the things that scare you. It's almost like we are meant to do them just to prove that fear cannot control us. ¡Caution! Use distinction because not everything is meant to be done, especially when people or animals may be harmed.

That's all for this week. The chopsticks are still holding so I will have to manually remove them.
Bises!

Un hérisson

Un hérisson (distant shot)

I have to begin this story with an image. There is always a good opportunity for a photo to tell the story instead of the storyteller. If the story is boring, at least, you get to see an interesting photo. I hope one or both facts are true in this case.

One day, I was in the garden and right before my eyes was a creature. I had only seen it in books, never in real life. I couldn't quite remember what it was called. I settled on porcupine because it had spikes. I watched the creature slowly walk from one side of our yard to the other. I noticed it was limping. It's leg was wounded, and I thought that maybe it had moved into our yard to seek refuge. Still I was in awe of the little creature that seemed to be kind and gentle (for a wild animal). I took the photos and then respected his privacy. I hoped that we would be friends, and that every now and then I would see him slowly roaming around. There is plenty to eat in our garden and I think life would be agreeable for any animal.

The next days went by fast and I forgot about our new neighbor. On the following Saturday, it was nice out so one of my housemates went to cut the grass. To his surprise he found the creature but not in the way I was hoping. All I remember was Annie, my other housemate, had said "Eric a tué un hérisson!" She was fleeing the scene with a disgusted looked on her face. From then on I realized that my friendship with the"porcupine" would not continue.

A few days after, I was reading a book with a little boy. The book had all kinds of animals and I found the creature. He wasn't a porcupine as I had thought, he was a hedgehog. Poor little hedgehog, he didn't have a chance living with us. I guess there is not safe place. I thought of a name for him, maybe it's my way of mourning. Mike. I would have called him Mike.

La Fin

Un hérisson (close up)

Back from my break

I know it's been quite a while since my last post. For most, time seems so little and there is so much to do. Actually, I should be doing more and my time seems limitless. I have stepped into an alternate reality where I am breezing through life and not in a rush to catch up with the rest.

So what's new with me? Well I have finished my second and final semester of french classes. When I was finished I was hoping to get a baguette and a beret. These days students get a piece of paper, which kind of resembles a diploma. I guess it will have to do. My most recent projects include more learning so I can teach english better and the hopes of a job.

I don't seem to have many words to share so I will make this one short. Hopefully it will keep you wanting more. I will add some photos from some recent trips around France and some other random images.

Ciao,
Nia

My New Conquest (Mon Conquête Nouvelle)

I just started teaching english. I pondered for a while about what I could do for some extra cash while also releasing the financial stress. I am considering a career change so I thought it would be good to try out teaching because it interests me. I may not be cut out for it so before I invest lots of time and money, first I will experiment and get some experience. So far so good, and I have four students. It's amazing to see how I have already been stretched.

I have an advantage of being a native english speaker because it's the most popular language people want to know. Teaching a language can make you quite conscience of what you say and why. Everything you say has to be justified. I also have to find a speed of talking so that it's not too difficult to understand. Plus, I have to use words which are simple to understand. It's challenging but fun.

I am making a plan for the next year that I will allow me stay in Nantes. That is a statement mostly built on faith because I have no job or plan to continue with school. I could try and take some more classes but that would depend on the financing and I would hate to not be able to devote time to my courses by working all of the time. My hope is to find a job and live very simply.

The question on everyone's mind: Could this woman be a future teacher?

Answer: I have no idea... (TBA)

Mon Défi

Ce soir je suis aller...

This evening I went on a mission. I have a défi, which is a challenge to take a photo for mon cours d'analyse image. Each week we have a thème différent. Alors je vais chercher(I go looking for), the perfect shot. I always have beaucoup de choix because I don't want to take juste one. I took some au centre ville mais I wasn't satisfé. Je suis rentrée home only to depart again and go stake out a boulangerie. I have to mention my thème est français. It's a sujet général avec beaucoup de possibilités.

Here is the one I took.

It was taken in front of a memorial that says « À la Mémoire des Nantais mort pour La France » This means « In memory of the Nantais who died for France ». I like this photo because I had perfect timing. The woman walking is directly under le drapeau. Je pense à comment la Frace takes good care of her people both vivant et mort. They have great social security and other social bénéfaits, si non, il y a un gréve (if not there is a strike). The flag it over the people, but it's the people who support la republique.

This semestre has been great so far. Not that I didn't like my other semestre, but this one is different. Mes professeurs all appear to be enjoying what they do, therefore I am more engaged. De plus, I am more confident to participate, and then later I seek further knowledge. I have been so inspired and passionate each day. At the end if the day, I hunger for what the next day will bring.

I have yet to decide on how I will survive my next year in France, still I am hoping and praying to find a means to stay. How long will I stay? Aucune idée! (No idea!) I have been thinking about teaching...

This is one of my Wow! This is breathe-taking photos.

Kissing

I have to admit that living in France has encouraged something I have always enjoyed doing. Now this will be awkward. If it wasn't, it wouldn't be any fun.

Kissing. Primarily considered among most as an exchange between lovers. Not the case for me. I kiss people I like and care about. It's normal, a form of affection. I would kiss everyone if I could! Now I know not everyone is comfortable with the exchange due to certain experiences and/or personal hygiene. As a result, I decided to be selective.

Kisses vary with every relationship. The way I kiss my mom is different from the way I kiss a friend or love interest. Kissing is deep and complex. I am intrigued by the wonders of kissing and what it implies. There is always something you can communicate through a kiss. "I love you," is the obvious message I hope most can distinguish. However, one could say "nice to see you", "great meeting you", "it was great spending time with you", "I'm glad you are in my life", "I care about you," "you make me happy", "thank you", "you saved my life", "I want you", "I need you", "wow!" and so on. Whether you know exactly what is implied is not always clear, but you can easily discover the awkwardness, which is most important.

A kiss is something exchanged between both men and women, but it is best to be cautious. Normally I consider the relationship a person has with me. A kiss means so much to me. It's not to be taken lightly. A kiss is intentional. If I gave away kisses all the time, it would not be so special. I would be a kissing slut who deserves no respect. So even when I say that I delight in a kiss, there is always much to be considered when I give one away.

The kisser in France: moi. I don't just give out kisses to anyone. In France, you meet people and they kiss you, which is why it is absolutely necessary to associate with the right people that you can trust. So when it comes to being introduced to their friends, you won't be in uncomfortable situations. I have done the best I can, but no one is perfect.

Helpful words:

Bisou-a kiss

bisous/bses (short version)- kisses

embrasser- to kiss, to embrace

braiser-to kiss or have sex