Really honest

I'm going to be real with you now. I'm not one to be so vulnerable and transparent, but this is worth sharing however comfortable it is. Today I wrote this email to my friend in a highly restricted country so I had to replace some vocabulary. I hope it makes sense to you.

Dearest Carli,

Thank you so much for this encouraging email, I'm blessed to see it today because I was feeling really discouraged. I am inspired to ask our father for impossible things, I'll start with 6 but I'll prob ask for more because I'm greedy and overly ambitious ;) So it looks like I won't be going to staff conference after all. I have to tell Renée by Friday, but I don't think it will be the best use of my time (I could be wrong so I still have 3 days to see things clearly). I'm believing (though I've been fighting through unbelief) to be applying for my return visa around the same time. That's one of the 6 things I'm asking for. So I'm leaving next week to Texas for the last push to be fully funded; I'll be there for almost 2 months. On Sunday, a friend of mine said he could triple his monthly giving so I'm believing for miracles like that to come. I have 36% left to raise. This period of support raising has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. These days I feel attacked more and more (honestly it's a weekly occurence). I thanked Dad today for the days I wasn't attacked and felt encouraged.

Like a beautiful leaf that has survived the elements, we are quite similar

Well so far we have seen each other in 3 countries so I hope that we might add a 4th one but I'll be glad to see you anywhere Dad chooses. I'm sorry that I have forgotten to lift you up regularly (besides just through the updates). I'm overjoyed for your healing! I'm thankful and honored to hear from you.

Much love and many thanks to you!

Nia

After writing this email and letting it sit, I came to a realization. I am the most satisfied and fulfilled person that I have ever been. Going through the hardship and struggles has been worth every minute. My prayer life has exploded, I pray constantly (and I could pray even more). I don't feel needy like I have been in the past and I don't fantasize about doing other things. God has allowed me to be completely satisfied in him.

The beautiful colors of fall...