Loneliness & Isolation

 Where to begin? I should say that God created his children to live in community, we are created in his image to live alongside one another. It’s not always easy, but necessary for our survival. He gave Adam Eve and all of his other children someone to walk alongside them. Even Jesus his son, who was completely human and completely God, had 12 close friends. This isn’t a post on marriage or friendship so I’ll stop there.

When it comes to loneliness and isolation, I go through periods when I moved to a new place or started something new. I don’t know anyone and I have to find my place in a new place. This time it was coming to Nancy. I have already moved so much so I thought I would be a pro by now. Apparently, I’m not. I get lonely like every other human being on this earth. Even if it’s just for a period, I think it could even be healthy.

I realized that I was having a hard time when I kept thinking about leaving France. I would say to myself, “If it doesn’t work out here, I could always go home.” My comfort was knowing that I could escape. It wasn’t like I was depressed just struggling to make friends and get settled into a routine and life that I was excited to live.

As I write this, I’m still in the period of isolation and loneliness. I don’t think the feelings have completely gone away, but they are having less of an impact on my decision making. I want to do things so that I won’t feel alone or different. I want to feel included and not struggle with feeling like a foreigner. I have already lived in France for more than 4 years and sometimes I feel like I just arrived. The only advantage is that I have a good grasp on the language.

My comfort came when I read 1 Kings 19 while listening to a training podcast. It was so helpful to know that I wasn’t alone. The man who led it is now our InterVarsity president and I was surprised to hear his struggles which seemed much worse than mine. He and his wife were physically isolated and also not integrated in the culture. On the other hand, I can communicate almost exactly what I am thinking and Starbucks arrived this past summer. Seriously it’s the little things that help me keep my sanity.

When I read the story of Elijah in the desert completely isolated and discouraged also wanting to give up and die; I said, “It’s not that bad for me.” I realized that I was too focused on myself and what I was lacking. It was when God took care of him in the desert that he gained a new perspective on his situation. In the same way, God revealed himself to me. He showed me that he was all I needed and that he gives me everything I could ever possibly need, nothing more nothing less. He brought me back to the source and awaken me to his inner workings in my life. I was ripped out of my comfort zone only to come to realize that I can depend on him.

“As a deer longs for streams of water so my soul longs for you, O God.” Psalm 42:1

He slowly gave me these nourishing drops of water. He didn’t give them all at once just enough for the moment and then he would invite me to come back for more. What have I learned from all of this? God has a purpose in everything he does. He wants to teach us and mold us. Sometimes it’s hard and painful to accept his method but once we do it’s refreshing. He draws us into a loving relationship with him. Even though I still have these feelings, I can recognize God’s tender voice calling me closer to him. The fact that he cares for me so much and would take me through all this means he loves me. His grace is in sending Jesus so that I can have a relationship with him. He allows me to experience a loneliness that draws me nearer to him. It’s so perfect and complicated. I try not to understand everything just trust God has some crazy plan that will be for my benefit and also benefit others.

Embrace this loneliness and isolation with me and find a Savior on the other side...