Really honest

I'm going to be real with you now. I'm not one to be so vulnerable and transparent, but this is worth sharing however comfortable it is. Today I wrote this email to my friend in a highly restricted country so I had to replace some vocabulary. I hope it makes sense to you.

Dearest Carli,

Thank you so much for this encouraging email, I'm blessed to see it today because I was feeling really discouraged. I am inspired to ask our father for impossible things, I'll start with 6 but I'll prob ask for more because I'm greedy and overly ambitious ;) So it looks like I won't be going to staff conference after all. I have to tell Renée by Friday, but I don't think it will be the best use of my time (I could be wrong so I still have 3 days to see things clearly). I'm believing (though I've been fighting through unbelief) to be applying for my return visa around the same time. That's one of the 6 things I'm asking for. So I'm leaving next week to Texas for the last push to be fully funded; I'll be there for almost 2 months. On Sunday, a friend of mine said he could triple his monthly giving so I'm believing for miracles like that to come. I have 36% left to raise. This period of support raising has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. These days I feel attacked more and more (honestly it's a weekly occurence). I thanked Dad today for the days I wasn't attacked and felt encouraged.

Like a beautiful leaf that has survived the elements, we are quite similar

Well so far we have seen each other in 3 countries so I hope that we might add a 4th one but I'll be glad to see you anywhere Dad chooses. I'm sorry that I have forgotten to lift you up regularly (besides just through the updates). I'm overjoyed for your healing! I'm thankful and honored to hear from you.

Much love and many thanks to you!

Nia

After writing this email and letting it sit, I came to a realization. I am the most satisfied and fulfilled person that I have ever been. Going through the hardship and struggles has been worth every minute. My prayer life has exploded, I pray constantly (and I could pray even more). I don't feel needy like I have been in the past and I don't fantasize about doing other things. God has allowed me to be completely satisfied in him.

The beautiful colors of fall...

My amazing reward

“Hi Tanya,

Thanks for the email. I could really use a ton prayer. I'm feeling very overwhelmed with everything I'm trying to achieve to be fully funded. It's been a constant battle and it doesn't seem to end. I will be going to Texas for 2 months Nov 3-Dec 28th to raise support and visit family. Please pray that I get more appointments because I don't want to be aimlessly going from one week to the next. I'm trying to plan visits, but I don't have very many. Also I don't really have community down there and it's so easy to get lonely. My parents (who I'm staying with) don't go to church and it's already been hard to be motivated so this might be another huge obstacle. I need so much help; it feels like I'm against impossible odds.

Thanks for the prayers!

Nia”

I sent this email today. Every quarter, the InterVarsity Link coordinators pray for all the staff. I always have requests because I feel like I’m always struggling with something. Even after I send them, I realize that I forgot some. I don’t think these struggles are going to get any easier. I wonder what I signed up for and if it’s always going to be so hard. I don’t feel equip for this. In no way do I feel strong or able.

My amazing reward from this battle is faith. I’m able to believe for others. Today I received a message from a friend. I have been praying for her cousin to be healed from cancer. To my surprise her cousin told her that she was healed.

“Your glory fills the whole earth”. Recently I was doing some listening prayer with my supervisor Renée. I had so much I wanted to listen for, but the first words she received were “powerless” and “overwhelmed”. So we listened for these two words. The image I received was of drops of water coming down from one finger. The drops morphed and covered the entire earth. The verse from Isaiah 6:3 came to my mind: “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.”

The Echos of God's love

In my last post, I shared about a presentstion I did at a Chinese church where I met a woman who was directly impacted by the ministry I work for. I shared this story with many people, who were also encouraged by it. To my amazement, God wanted to keep encouraging me through them. I could hear the echoes of God's love. Here are 3 brief stories.

Unhealed wounds
I received a voice message from a student I met at a conference in Lyon. She had also experienced God's deep love for her while in England at a church. There was a man she met, who helped open her heart more to God. There were some wounds from her past that He was wanting to heal. He clearly wanted her to faced them and know that He loved her so much in spite of all the hurt. I was not only encouraged by her story but I could also pray for her knowing that God really wanted to heal her. Her faith was strengthened and so was mine. I told her to keep sharing her story because maybe He could use it to bring healing to others.

Blue Niagara

Genuine enthusiasm
Another person who contacted me was a student I briefly met a couple times. She actually signed up to receive my prayer letter and updates without me being aware. Ever since, she has been reading about all what God has been doing. When she contacted me, she told me that she was thankful for what I was doing and was encouraged. She said that she was praying for me, her enthusiasm really affirmed me. It's always nice when a French person is excited about me doing ministry in their country. The lyrics to the song "Oceans" made her think of me and how God was leading me; she shared some of the lyrics with me. What was even more providential was that we had sung that same song at church a couple days before. Wow! And I even received a passage from Matthew 15 from her; it's when Peter walks on water. I plan to study it this week.
"Oceans" (the song)

Mutually inspired
This last young woman who contacted me is truly an inspiration to us all. If you knew her story, you couldn't help but be amazed and clearly see the love of God in her. She told me that she was inspired by my trust in God. It's crazy because I want to say "You inspire me!". I guess the feeling is mutual. Her written words were ones that not only confirm that God blesses us but also affirms us in his work. These are the moments when God reveals himself and tells us that He not only exists but is working through us, in us and all around us.


I saved all these messages so that if ever I am discouraged, I'll read them. I just cannot imagine what God is going to do next...

Out pouring of love

This is my experience going to give a presentation about the student ministry in France at a Chinese church in Boston. 

God answers prayer. I walked to the CCCNE (Chinese Christian Church of New England) after I had prayed that I would understand. To my surprise God provided a nice young man to translate most of the sermon. While he was translating, I felt this incredible surge of love from God. I was so overwhelmed that he provided exactly what I needed and was telling me how much he loved me. It was a constant out pouring of his love that filled my heart. How intense! How incredible! I even had visions of a man and a woman sharing an intimate moment (It wasn't too explicit). I could feel the intense love between the husband and his wife. The love of God poured out on me was the most incredible feeling. It's like bliss in a moment.